Mama Rita

Nigerians, seeking to avoid future marriage disasters, often turn to God for guidance before choosing a spouse. We examine the pros, cons and wisdom, if any, in this National behaviour. The need to not be seen as a marriage failure trumps physical safety, mental wellness and overall happiness because of the stigma and societal side-eye often directed at those who are unmarried at a certain age, and those who have had cause to separate from their spouses. That collective side-eye is especially more piercing, more judgmental towards women who have had to make the tough decision to break away from their partners, many times for reasons beyond their control. Everyone tries to avoid the separation and divorce ordeal, thereby making the process of choosing a partner very sensitive for most Nigerians who, having been relentlessly socialised along the lines above, want to ensure that they never experience any of the marriage disasters aforementioned. Owing to this, being wat...

Can being single for a long time affect your next relationship? It's not unusual for people today to postpone romantic commitment until they feel more mature. [Credit - Shutterstock] Department of communication Relationships aren’t do-or-die, of course. No one has to be in a relationship to validate their existence or due to pressure or for any other absurd reason. That much is clear and absolutely indisputable. If you choose, you could be single for a long time. Either to focus on other aspects of your life or just because you feel like it. It’s actually fine to be by yourself and not get involved with anyone. But what happens after that time out? Does it affect your relationships when you have been by yourself for a long time? Do you suck at the next relationship if you keep to yourself for a long time after the previous relationship? How do people fare in relationships after being single for a long time?  Experts say that the answer to that is no. In...

First of all, rein in your insecurities. Suspicious partner  Jealousy isn’t such a bad thing in relationships, they say. It’s not uncommon to hear people opine that it’s not wrong to feel some type of way when your partner gets comfortable with a member of the opposite sex. And to be frank, there’s an undeniable truth to that. That type of jealousy stems from a need to protect your interest in the person. You don’t want to lose them, and you don’t want to lose your place in their life. Expressing that, especially when it seems like there could be a threat to your place in your partner’s life isn’t a bad thing. Everyone is allowed to be vulnerable in relationships. No one can fault that. Man angrily speaking with woman [Credit: Getty] DORIS However, there’s a jealousy that crosses the border of logic into downright unreasonable. Undue jealousy, especially when manifested in unreasonable ways is really not cute and can be toxic, disruptive and very, very probl...

No matter how uncomfortable the search is, here are some truths you can't afford to leave unsought. 5 uncomfortable questions to ask anyone you intend to marry. DORIS Some of these things are spoken and some unspoken. Lovers learn things about each other just by being together and doing things with each other; which is why it is important for couples to date, converse so many times, engage in so many social and other activities together just so their hearts become knitted together to the point where marriage holds the promise of a better future for them. But then some things will remain unknown till you ask. This would be no problem if you are asking about simple subjects like geno type, their family tree and educational background, etc. On the other hand, things may become awkward when you consider getting some other information. But because you need to marry them and it requires all the information possible before that happens, you cannot shy away from a...